Another Star Wars Movie -Already- Called "Rogue One"

A couple days ago the trailer for Star Wars: Rogue One debuted. I saw it because of Teddy Rubskin who I follow on YouTube. You should totally check him out. But before I get sidetracked, let's talk about the trailer.

I forget precisely what I was doing when I saw the announcement but I went ahead and watched the trailer. I saw a lot of things. Star Wars things. And since I was a child I would have bet money that I was the biggest Star Wars fan in the Universe. Today I would not make that bet.

When I watched the trailer I thought to myself "I've seen 2million Star Wars movies already. How excited can I be about a new one? I just walked out of the theaters from seeing The Force Awakens. Damn. Can I catch my breath?

But one thing that caught my eye was the fact that the focus was on another lady. And I saw it and just shrugged and figured- fuck it. Hollywood is and everybody with a platform is blowing up women like they're new to the planet or some shit, but, whatever. It's great to see the walkers again!

Star Wars: Rogue One [Trailer]

However, to be honest, I didn't see anything where people were actually complaining about the movie. I think there are people who, when movies come out with female leads, they troll the YouTube. Only thing I saw about it were a couple shitty little articles not too much better than the what I'm producing right now.

Strange, though, to think back to when all these type of action movies originally came out women hated them. They called them stupid and mindless. Of course, it wasn't all women, but it was a heavy percentage. But I think Milla Jovovich is the main reason so much changed for action roles for women.

Moving on...

I like the actress in Rogue One. Felicity Jones. There's a bunch of other people in it. You can look them up on IMDB. I saw "Ip Man" in there-- colorful cast. Even Forest Whitaker.

Imma see the shit one way or another, anyway. My thing is, when can we expect some new classics? Star Wars and Star Trek and Terminator, man, we've seen all that shit already multiple times. Yes, we love it. But, how many times do we have to buy it?

I understand there are 8thousand more Star Wars movies coming out between now and 2018. I just want Hollywood to sneak in some new... something. Even I can't think of shit! But, fuck, man, damn. Somebody do something! And the superhero movie situation is a-whole-nother tragedy.

Anyway, everybody have a good time watching the movie. Take a friend to jerk-off, or jerk-you-off while you watch it. You're guaranteed to have a much better time. It'll be like the first time you've ever seen Star Wars.

@didodi_tweet

Follow The Maze Runner

Here is one movie that I had not even an inkling of an idea about and simply wanted to see it because it was about something I love. Mazes. After watching The Maze Runner I have to say I was quite entertained.

The Maze Runner is a story about a group of kids who were each left to their own devices on a secluded pasture surrounded by towering walls. They all arrive one at a time on a lift that ascends to this desolate area carrying supplies and one new person once a month. When they arrive they have no memory of anything before showing up in this new realm except for their name which tends to come back within the first day or two.

When the lift rises with a new member named Thomas everyone notices that he is different. His curiosity drives him to do things that most of the others dare not do or even ask about doing. Thomas is often confronted for this by a member by the name of Galley. Galley is a hard ass, but you can see that he means well. He just wants to ensure the safety of the group by sticking to the rules that they already have in place.

Each day at sunrise a set of walls open which will allow the group to venture into the maze, but only a few are able to go in. They are known as The Runners. For the past few years The Runners have ventured into this maze mapping it out and looking for an exit. However, the maze changes on a daily basis. If it were possible to explore the maze all day and night they would possibly be able to find a way out. Unfortunately that is not an option.

Each night at sunset the doors that allow the group into the maze close. Once the doors close, if you are still inside the maze you are not expected to come back. No one has survived a night in the maze. Some type of creatures roam the maze at night and kill anyone inside. The creatures are known as The Grievers. They are scary and they are fast and all the reason you need to stay out of the maze at night.

When the lift arrives earlier than expected the group made up of all boys look to find a girl inside. Teresa. In her hand is a note which reads "She is the last one ever." There are no supplies with her and the lift does not descend when they take her out. Upon awakening she remembers Thomas, but she can't remember from where or why.

When the group discovers that the lift isn't descending and that it is possible that no more supplies are coming they are faced with a dilemma. Stay where they are and eventually die, or venture into the maze to find a way out where it is possible that they will die facing The Grievers. 

One day while waiting for The Runners to return the group can see one of the members doing his best to make it back before the walls close while carrying a wounded member named Alby, Thomas dashes inside to help them and all three are trapped in the maze for the night. The Runner named Minho congratulates Thomas on successfully killing himself along with them. Thomas, however, never let's up or loses faith. He is determined to survive the night and save the wounded member Alby while doing so. It becomes a fight for their lives while they are attacked and even sometimes cornered by Grievers in a scene which will keep your heart pounding the entire time. When Thomas returns the following morning with Minho and Alby the group is left speechless. And once they realize Thomas killed a Griever in the process they all have a new found respect for their newest member. All except for Galley who is not happy about Thomas breaking the rules by going into the maze. Either way, Thomas is now a Runner.

One night when the walls are scheduled to shut, they stay open. Not only that, but three more sections of the wall open up allowing The Grievers to come into the camp and pick off members. When Galley calls for the sacrifice of Thomas and Teresa as a peace offering to The Grievers, several members of the group stand up for them and together those member decide to trek into the maze and take their chances.

The Maze Runner is filled with huge scenes and spectacular moments. I believe anyone is capable of having lots of fun with this movie. The scale of the adventure is unlike most movies as our young heroes are placed on such a large canvass of action. Many times throughout the movie you are left chomping at the bit as the film delivers its massive movie moments. Children will easily remember what they see and have a great time seeing it. I felt like I was young again watching one of those epic adventure movies that had huge moments like Star Wars. The Maze Runner is clearly setting up a sequel known as The Scorch Trials which I am now anticipating seeing after having seen what type of story this is turning out to be. If you decide to go see this movie see it at an IMAX if you can. I did not get the pleasure of that type of experience, although, I wish I had. I went to a traditional theater. When you are dealing with a movie of this type of action magnitude, you want to do everything you can to feel like you are right there experiencing all of it along with these characters you are certain to take a liking to.

And be sure to remember ... "Wicked is good."

Denzel Is The Equalizer

This was pure greatness. It has been a very long time since a good, quality action movie has surfaced. The Equalizer is a modern take on an old 80s TV show that I vaguely remember. Now, a 2014 blockbuster, I believe people will be talking about this one for a while.

In this version, Robert McCall is played by Denzel Washington. Robert is a man who lives a very secluded and simple life. He goes to work in the morning like everyone else and he goes home when his day is done. In between time he generally fills his time reading old great novels. He also keeps a tight schedule by timing himself on everything he does by using the timer on his wrist watch. Most of the time while he's home at night he can't seem to get to sleep, so, he visits his neighborhood diner where basically everyone there is friendly and pretty much a friend.

A pretty young girl named Teri frequents this diner on late nights the same as McCall. On occasion she will turn to him and make chit-chat or small talk. You can clearly see she is reaching out. And reaching out to McCall never comes across as difficult as you find that he is always willing to help people find a way through their struggles. Teri, who later on we find out her name is Alina, is a call girl who reluctantly works for the Russian mob.

One night McCall visits the diner to hear from the owner that Teri had been beaten by the mobsters she works for to the point where she ended up in ICU. We learn that her life is in jeopardy if she ever attempts to take her own life into her own hands. She is technically Russian mob property.

Once this is brought to McCall's attention he struggles between two decisions. Does he get involved and do something for Teri, or should he let it go? Of course, being the stand up man that he is he decides to do something for Teri.

McCall approaches the mobsters with an offer to let Teri go free and have her life back when they spit it back in his face. This is when McCall shows the audience what he's truly made of. Standing in a room surrounded by five Russian mobsters, McCall takes each one of these men down with precision in less than 20 seconds. This scene was very intense and keeps you on the edge of your seat. The following day the news is describing the hit as gangland style murders and assuming a rival gang were the aggressors. It looks as if McCall is home free.

This is when Teddy comes to town.

Teddy is one of the head Russian gangsters that comes to try and find out what took place in the room at the club where these five men were killed. Teddy can be quite charming if he wants to be, but for the most part he's a very scary guy. He goes around putting pressure on everyone to find out what exactly took place that night and during his investigation he discovers a pile of evidence that points directly to Robert McCall.

A lot of things start happening at this point and once McCall finds out he wasn't simply dealing with pimps, but a huge Russian crime syndicate, he reaches further down into his bag of tricks to ensure that he and all the people he cares about get out of the situation like champions.

The Equalizer never falls short. Every scene is well done and all the cast members noticeably put forth 100%. There is a lot of great scenery as the movie doesn't simply take place in one or two spots. Everything felt real and authentic as if the scenes were shot on actual locations opposed to a movie set somewhere. There isn't an over abundance of gunplay in this movie either. The action sequences are carried out gracefully and with a touch of class. Plus, there is wonderful balance of you working out what may have taken place with your own mind while still delivering exactly what you wish to see.

Watching Denzel Washington play such a cool character is nothing out of the ordinary, but when you get this level of coolness there really isn't a whole lot more you can ask for. The Equalizer is a lot of fun and very intense. It is filled with a myriad of enjoyable and memorable characters that help the movie shine from multiple angles. I, personally, would highly recommend going to see this in the theaters while you can. You want to experience the full effect that this movie can have on you. Make it an IMAX event if that is within your budget. I had a great time with this and I absolutely look forward to seeing Robert McCall in action again. Thank you Denzel Washington and Antoine Fuqua for delivering another winner. As my most anticipated movie for 2014 it definitely superseded my expectations.

"Blade Trinity" Rules!

I love "Blade Trinity". I think Blade is the best shit ever. Especially since he is one of the few black superheroes we have. "Spawn" was a movie with a black superhero but it really sucked ass. "Spawn" was a terrible movie all around. And when I learned that "Blade" initially started out as a black exploitation movie I wasn't surprised.

When the first "Blade"movie came out I knew it was an instant classic. Everything about that movie was on point. Now, I love all the Blade movies, but as much as people revered part two I have to say I didn't exactly feel the same way at first. I loved seeing the movie but I hated seeing that stupid rubber-man bullshit that they kept doing in every CGI blockbuster movie they were putting out at the time. It was just purely corny.

I will never forget the seen when Blade does a jumping cross kick during the fight in his hide-out and the entire movie crowd said "Oooh!" I was like "What the fuck is 'oooh' about that?" I had seen Jean Claude Van Damme do it 1000 times and he never needed any CGI to assist him with it. And I was quite certain Wesley could have done it. But, I have come to learn that with these comic book movies people don't care about real, they only care about flashy. Kind of like today's rap music how the word "real" is nothing more than a buzz word.

The second movie is fun and I enjoyed it, but to this day there are many parts of that movie I cannot stand. We never saw Blade in the daylight. We never saw his car, which had become a character of its own in the first film. And all the CGI took away from what could have been cool fight scenes. There was far too much fighting and every room he walked into felt like a movie set instead of the feeling of actually being on location somewhere real. But, my friends and I were still loving Blade.

Then a couple years later the third one came out and when I walked out of the theater with a group of different friends this time around they started to talk about how dope the movie was. We had a great time. It was funny, there wasn't a whole bunch of CGI shit, and the fighting went back to the style from the first movie. That meant a lot to me because I cannot stand fake looking fight scenes. That's probably why I cannot stand "The Matrix". I don't give a shit what people say. I think "The Matrix" is an awful movie.

However, lots of people did nothing but bash "Blade Trinity". Bash-bash-bash! They talked about how Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel didn't fit in and how Dominic Purcell wasn't really Dracula. Personally, I think most people who didn't like it didn't like it because it wasn't overloaded with CGI and there weren't any of those crazy rave scenes like in the first two movies. If these people were paying any attention to the series they would remember that in the second movie the vampires told Blade that there were ultra-violet glyphs on their clubs because they were trying to hide from Blade. So, apparently between the second movie and the third movie he took those places down.

Now, let's look at the scope of the threat in each movie. The first movie is where Deacon Frost summons a blood god that is capable of making the vampire population a bigger threat than they already were. It would simply become a dark world.

In the second movie a crazy mutation turns a vampire named Nomak into a super vampire that kills turns other vampires into crack-head type vampires called reapers. But, the problem is, if the reapers had won their reign wasn't going to last very long because they cannot go very long without eating and eventually everyone would just be dead. Plus, they weren't day walkers. On top of this he had to put up with the Bloodpack's bullshit. They ended up getting embarrassed.

In "Blade Trinity" the vampires located and resurrected Dracula. They needed him for a couple things. 

1. His blood could be used to make all vampires day walkers like him.

2. They needed him to kill Blade.

On top of all this they created human blood farms.

This meant that if the Trinity lost, all vampires would be able to walk the earth at any time and there would be no use for humans other than keeping them brain-dead in a farm producing blood for vampires until their body completely collapsed. The vampire final solution. Scary shit.

What the vampires didn't expect was that Dracula would be so disgusted with the entire vampire race that he really would want nothing to do with them. The first movie took place over the period of about a week. The second movie took place over the course of 1 or 2 days. "Blade Trinity" took place over the course of 1/2 a year. There was a lot going on.

Oddly enough, five years after "Blade Trinity" the sequel to the original "Dracula" book came out and in that book you learn that Dracula is not the bad guy. He doesn't want to do some of the things he has to do. To me that reaffirmed the validity of the picture "Blade Trinity" was trying to paint for us. He hated those pussy vampires. He even told them they were shadows of their formers selves. Which, I am certain, if someone came from the past and looked at men today they'd be disgusted and how pussy they've become and they would want nothing to do with modern "men". For the most part, they are soft and weak and they allow women to run over them like a freeway instead taking control when it's time to.

"Blade Trinity" put Blade back in the sunlight and behind the wheel of his hot ass Charger. Along with the fights being boom-boom-boom again like the first movie. What I mean by that is there wasn't a bunch of flailing around during the fights like in the second movie. In Trinity, whenever Blade swung he hit something. I prefer that over all the fancy flashy bullshit that gets nothing done.

At the end of the first movie Blade threw his temper tantrum and took out a whole bunch of vampires like it was nothing. But, in the second movie he throws another temper tantrum and takes out a bunch of humans and it took about the same amount of time. At the end of "Blade Trinity" that motherfucker busted into the room with full gear on like a real superhero and took out a gang of humans in no time flat and then proceeded upstairs to Drake (Dracula) while exterminating all kinds of vampire foulness along the way. Very impressive.

Another small detail I really like about "Blade Trinity" is he didn't rely on rapid fire anymore. He was at the point where he was good enough to only have to use one shot per vamp. And that makes sense since we know he's using silver bullets and that shit don't come cheap. He even said in the first movie "We ain't exactly the March of Dimes." And seeing as how he has to make all his own bullets it should be obvious he isn't trying to waste them.

"Blade Trinity" is the first movie David S. Goyer directed. And while the movie isn't perfect it does make for a good ending to a kickass character story. (SPOILER ALERT) I didn't care for the scene where Whistler dies (SPOILER ALERT OVER). I did not expect what was given when I first saw the movie, but that was part of what made it refreshing for me. And personally, some of the people's complaints about the movie are rather silly. People say things like "Why are so many white people in the movie? Why are the Nightstalkers (Ryan Reynolds & Jessica Biel) white?" Well, motherfuckers, they are in Canada. What do you expect to see-- Asians? Puerto Ricans? Let it go. I understand in the other movies there were a range of colors, but Blade is always moving. The first movie was in Detroit, the second movie was in Progue. When they do a Canada movie you should expect to see white people. They never say a particular location in the first or third movie but the information is there if you want to find it. And this was Ryan Reynolds' break out role. We all know he's a goofy guy, but this movie proved he could be so much more. Ryan Reynolds is Hannibal King. And it was a lot of fun watching him throw those hay-makers.

The movie does have its flaws like any other movie, but, overall it is a very good Blade movie. And though a good chunk of that cast is generally found in comedies, after "Breaking Bad" we should all know that comical cast members can make you feel it no matter how funny they usually are. I have come to find that most people who have a problem with this movie are typically the people who need a bunch of flashy shit in a movie to hold their interest. Those are not real movie people. You cannot take what they say about movies seriously because they only care about particulars and when they don't get it they show their hate. I am very happy that David S. Goyer chose to step back from all that CGI shit and do things in a more practical way. It added a lot more authenticity to the movie and set it apart from all the other comic book movies just like the first Blade movie set itself apart from many other movies, period. (SPOILER ALERT) My favorite scene is when Blade smashes the top of the Benz. That scene was so cool he even wrote it into "The Dark Knight" (SPOILER ALERT OVER).

No one can ever replace Wesley and I hope they decide to do another one. If Stephen Norrington wants to come back and direct it that would be ideal. I would be front and center for that. Well, in the theater it would be more like mid-center. No matter who he faces I will always bet on black. Come back, Blade!

Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Michael Bay's 

I'm only writing this piece to push back against all the hate that the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie is getting. I have anticipated this movie for a long time and usually when a new movie comes out I do my best to not watch trailers. Maybe one and leave it at that. From that point my interest is sparked and I can just go in and watch the movie.

Now, please understand that I love movies. I also love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. To be completely honest, I really only have vested interest in Batman, The Flash and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I wasn't into any of this Marvel shit until Blade came out in 1998. And even to this day I am not the person to get all ecstatic over the new Thor movie. I didn't even go see The Avengers at the theaters. However, The Avengers was raw because Iron Man was raw in every single one of his movies. And what's-his-face Ruffalo was incredible! Get it!?! I love Tony and David's banter. I could watch those two talk shit all day. I guess what I'm saying is I'm not a divergent fan-boy (if I even stated that correctly). I like a few comic book movies but I don't rush out to see all of them. 

The Turtles on the other hand...

That's a much different story altogether! I remember the first time I watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It was on FOX during prime time. They introduced the new cartoon that they were going to be showing. Then on came the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I never knew I could feel for turtles the way I do now before then. Astonishing! Absolutely amazing! This was the coolest shit EVER! Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird were, fucking, gods, man!

Man, I remember when that first episode went off I almost cried. I wanted more Turtles and I wanted it right then and there. From memory I drew the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from different angles and cut out the pieces and glued them together. I swear on the planet I had to have been the first person in my city with Ninja Turtle toys. Pathetic, right? Fuck you.

After that, I knew I had a goddamn mental issue and the only known cure was The Turtles. So, to skip past all the extra crazy shit I'm gonna fast forward to 2014. In a time where anything with the name Michael and a phrase about the Bay in the same sentence tend to make people think of a horrible movie that they accredit to fucking up their entire childhood --fragile people-- and they sometimes vomit on the spot. But, I get it. I saw all the same shit y'all saw and it goes like this... We know Transformers was all fucked up, we know Freddy was all fucked up, and even before these times Michael Bay's movies hadn't really impressed me. They were always the same!

BUT... Once in a while I will see something and be like "HEY!!" Transformers 3 was one. After that I went back and watched the others and shit started changing for me. The Bumble Bee voice thing still pisses me off, and the parents are fuckin' stupid, but I see a different story unfold and I start to like it. And for anybody out there who thought the new Jason movie was a prequel-- uhh... what? How was that a prequel? You do your best to explain that to me and we'll talk.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know the difference between a good movie and a movie that simply entertained me. Bram Stoker's Dracula-- Excellent movie. Crank 2-- Stupid fuckin' movie, and I love it! Independence Day is another stupid good one. And if we're talking about Friday the 13th, when is the last time they were good-good? 

So, when I think back to 1990 when I won those free passes to see a sneak peek of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and I got four people in on a two person pass, holy shit... You are now rocking with the best... Of my childhood memories. Yet, still, I can remember how the critics bashed the shit out of that movie. Bash-bash-bash! What the fuck else do the do? They take every goddamn movie to heart. I thought about being a movie critic. Fuck that.

This new "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie didn't even get a chance to come out before bash-bash-bash from the critics. Jeez, man! Can you take all these critics seriously? NO!

Here is why I am different. I can appreciate change. The Turtles have gone through many mutations. I am not one to cling to something simply because that's how I remember it. Like I said, I'm not heavily into the comic scene, but I enjoy a good deal of what I've seen. And I used to get into it with these crazy fucking fan-boys who need every single detail of some shit to be precisely the way they remember it from their special, precious, fragile, little childhood. Grown children! I'm surrounded by Toys R Us kids who refuse to grow up. Let it go. If someone new wants to tackle The Turtles and give it a brand new origin story and put a new spin on it, how the fuck does it ruin your life? 

I encourage change. Do something new. So what if I don't like the new one. I still have the ones I enjoy. And when it comes to this 2014 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I just want to say "Thank you, Michael Bay." I gave you a super-duper pass after Transformers 3. You had my attention after that. I don't like a lot of your stuff, but I won't allow that to be a reason for why I can't enjoy some of your stuff. And I had a very, very good time today sitting in the theater watching "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" the 2014 addition. Fuckin' awesome, dude. I do question why some things were the way they were, but overall I had a great time and apparently the crowd did too because they applauded and it has been a while since one of my movie crowds have done that. 

And also, Michael Bay, thank you for clicking back up with Megan Fox. She was a terrific April O'Neil. I would have never been able to see her in that role before this. While I was in the theater watching the movie there was a point where I said aloud "Megan Fox can act!" (SPOILER ALERT) It was when she lost her job (SPOILER ALERT OVER). I can't wait to see her again. Whoopi is always awesome, too. This movie just made the Ninja Turtles greater in my eyes. My sole request for next time, the reason we watch the Ninja Turtles... More ass kicking, please. Please! I love to see The Foot get fucked up. That's why we all loved the first movie and the critics and the parents hated it. But what the fuck do they know?

The Turtles were there, man! I mean, they were in the fuckin' house! That alone makes this movie awesome. And when you see their new beginning, you have to love it. It makes the whole thing, for everyone involved, a tighter knit. The Turtles have purpose now. And if you remember that was one thing Donatello could never get over. He couldn't accept that they were a mistake. Now they aren't. The new story is more broad and covers more people and more time. If people say it's too crazy I can only say "The story of the Turtles has always been crazy, dude." Tromaville style, bitches.

The original story is a more tragic one that involved a few people on a very personal level. Jealousy and hatred were the driving forces behind most of what was going on then. Hamato Yoshi and Oroku Saki were in love with the same woman and that shit never leads to anything good.

Today on August 8th 2014 we can move past that and now understand and accept that the Ninja Turtles came to be the way the newest movie says they came to be. I will allow you to see it for yourself and analyze it on your own. Yes, I know the internet can easily fuck up a movie before you see it by giving everything away in bits and pieces. I try to stay away from all that. All I want is a finished project. I want a house, not a fuckin' door knob. Kind of like all this Ben Affleck Batman shit. I don't want see anything else about it until they finish the movie. Jesus! JJ Abrams keeps a better lid on shit like this.

So, after reading all this shit I typed I hope you got your fill and you agree that people need to quit bitchin' about evolution. And if you're someone reading this wondering if you should go see the movie, you can do what you want to do, but, the answer is-- Yes.

Cowabunga, motherfuckers!

Didodi Talking "The Terminator"

Terminator Talk

Terminator. Let's talk Terminator, shall we? The first Terminator movie. Now, before I start I'd like to point out the fact that I enjoy stories that focus intently on a select handful of people. So, with that being said, I will add that a movie such as Terminator has the perfect amount of noteworthy and memorable characters as well as noteworthy and memorable movie moments.

If you have not seen the first Terminator movie, what the fuck is going on in your life? For any movie series from the eighties that has lived well into the 2010s you need to be familiar with the origin of that story. It doesn't take much. Be a fuckin' man, do your fuckin' research. And based on the simple fact that you haven't seen the first Terminator movie I already question your manhood. If you're not a man then this part doesn't pertain to you.

The movie Terminator takes place in a 1984 LA as the backdrop. The story is essentially about a cyborg killer that has been sent back through time to terminate a woman named Sarah Connor who will one day give birth to the man, John Connor, who will, in the future, lead the resistance in the rebellion against the machines. A lone soldier, Kyle Reese (Michae Biehn), is sent back through time by the resistance to save Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) and stop The Terminator's (Arnold Schwarzenegger) bloody rampage.

 Will Kyle save Sarah?

Nothing Clean. Right.

The movie starts off be showing the two time travelers arrive in 1984 LA. 1984 itself has played some pretty major roles in stories. But, as we watch The Terminator, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, arrive in 1984, his trip is very smooth and he is on one knee as he appears in a bubble and just merely rises up. When Reese arrives he pretty much get dropped from the sky. Probably about 10ft. Not of these guys are naked but only one of them is human. And his arrival looked like it sucked. And he mentions, later in the movie, the fact his trip, is one way and he can't go back. What if the guys who sent him back dropped him from the sky to be assholes? You never know.

Well, anyway-- Smack! Right on the pavement. "There's Reese." And like any good video game you need to acquire your shit. These dudes need clothes. This is very simple. Reese is going to have some problems. Maybe have a run in with the police. The Terminator is going to terminate a motherfucker for some clothes and he wish a motherfuckin' cop would get involved so he can do some more terminating and get them uninvolved. And like I mentioned, about the characters, even the ones who aren't in the movie long have an impact and that means something to me. Even when The Terminator ended up killing some thugs for clothes you remember the guys. Bill Paxton is one of them and he's done many small parts in Arnold movies. His character also feeds Arnold's character the "fuck you, asshole" line that Arnold kicks so eloquently later on in the movie.

Now at this time somewhere on another side of town, Sarah Connor is chillin' with her friends and doing her regular shit getting ready for work. She has no idea that some huge man-looking machine is looking for her so that it can put both of it's hand-like prosthetics on her head and squish her fuckin' brains out-- she has no clue!

She goes to work and starts having a real shitty day. She's a waitress, so, already, people are treating her like shit. She's got little kids putting fat globs of ice-cream into her apron pocket. She should've slapped the shit out of that child. But, then it gets worse when her dumbass co-worker pulls her aside and starts rushing her into another room in front of a TV. She's acting like it's great news and as Sarah sits down she hears about a woman named Sarah Commor who was just brutally murdered in her home.

What our Sarah Connor doesn't know, is that The Terminator machine looked up the Sarah Connors in in the phone book and he's taking them out in order. I guess that was necessary in the 80s since there was no internet. It's like sending someone back to find an ancient Egyptian. Where the fuck do we start, with the writing on the walls? I guess so. But as for this other Sarah Connor chick-- Aww, man-- she did not have this shit coming at all. The whole scene was fucked up.

Arnold walks up to the woman's door and knocks like the Goddamn police. *BlamBlamBlam*! She opens the door all nice but she still has the chain on. Arnold simply asks "Sarah Connor?" She said, "Yes." This fuckin' terminator slaps the door open like there's nothing to it and walks in this woman's house, pulls out a big ass gun and shoots her six times. What the fuck!! I mean, they didn't show her being shot, but I'm sure the first shot was in the head since that's where The Terminator was aiming when we last saw the lady standing in her living room in terror probably wondering why the fuck Arnold Schwarzenegger was looking for her in the first place and now breaking and entering that sort of looks like may just lead to becoming a full blown homicide. And she was right. That's why from now on when people you don't know come looking for you you need to say you don't know where you are.

"That's What He Does! That's All He Does!"

So this shit happens again with another Sarah Connor only a few hours later. When our Sarah Connor finds out, she's really freaked. Wouldn't you be? Oh my God! Two people with your exact name, and in your town, have been murdered only hours apart. What would you do? Hell yeah-- she called the police. So, while doing as they said she decides to stay in a public place. And it's a good thing that she did. While she was out The Terminator came to her house and it was not good at all. Her poor roommate and her boyfriend were slaughtered. I don't want even tell you what happened. If you've seen the movie you know what I'm talking about. It was scary and sad. Her poor friends. We just saw them hanging out earlier.

She calls right after the incident and the answering machine takes her call while The Terminator is still in the house. This where she gives away where she is. A dance club. 

The Terminator enters the club. This scene is kind of funny because as Arnold walks in the girl at the front yells to the bouncer "Hey, that guy didn't pay!" The bouncer puts his hand on Arnold's shoulder and Arnold grabs his hand and squeezes it. The guy just goes "Hhhhuuuuuggghhhh!" fell to the ground and that was it. Pretty rough stuff. But then Reese was already sitting in the club watching over Sarah and I was like 'Wait. How the fuck did he get in?" However, later in the movie he does pull out a stack of cash so I suppose he has his methods. Nevertheless, what happened next made forget silly little questions like that. The Terminator made his move on Sarah Connor.

This is when Kyle Reese sprang into action! Pushing people aside from the gunfire to come, he takes out a sawed-off shotgun and starts plugging The Terminator. Kyle soon delivers the recurring line in the series-- "Come with me if you want to live." Awesome stuff. Many of the moments in this film just pull you right in to where you're living the action. Since the plot really thickens at this point you also start getting more from your actors.

Reese pulls Sarah out of the club through the back door where he and she are booking through the alley as fast as their legs will carry them. Arnold comes busting through the door chasing after them and closing in. They show us him chasing them in his night vision and when I was a kid watching this movie I was fucked up and terrified but I was so fascinated I couldn't look away. I loved these things about the movie. I had never seen the world through the eyes of a cyborg before this. 

Reese turns and shoots a gas tank on a car in the alley and it explodes. Sarah and Reese jump into a car and Reese starts up when The Terminator comes flying through an explosion and smashes its hand through the windshield trying to grab Sarah. From this point on, after jumping through that explosion, The Terminator no longer has any eyebrows. And that's a vicious look for anyone. Reese spins the car around sending The Terminator rolling off the top of the car. Reese takes off and starts tearing through the streets of LA.

Sarah and Reese park somewhere and Reese starts explaining her situation to her. It's quite an amazing story for anyone to have to hear. The fact that a nuclear war takes place in her near future and her son is responsible for leading people to fight back against machines that have taken over the world? That's pretty heavy shit. And such conviction he does everything he can to believe her new reality which for anyone would be too unreal. The fact that there is a terminator out there and its primary mission is to kill you. And so far no one has been able to even slow this thing down.

"I'll Be Back"

Reese and Sarah end up being caught by the cops. They question Reese and after everything Sarah is still having trouble believing him. And that's understandable. This is huge. Not very many people would be able to handle her situation so well. Reese is questioned by a man named Dr.Silberman and he tells the police everything he told Sarah. The truth. But did they listen? Oh, no. They already know everything.

Yeah-- they didn't know shit. Arnold showed up at the police station just as Dr.Silberman was walking out the door. Lucky him. The Terminator politely walks up to the front desk and explains that he is Sarah Connor's friend, he heard she was there and he wanted to see her. The fuckin' dude just blew Arnold off like he wasn't there. Told him to come back some other time or some shit and that's when it happened. Arnold looked around as if to inspect the structure of the building, looked back at the cop and said, for the first time, what would become his trademark line--2 "I'll be back."

This was the first time Arnold Schwarzenegger used this line and I guess someone thought it sounded so great that Arnold needed to repeat the line in every 400 Arnold movies that came out after that. But in this movie, he really meant that shit. He came right back ... with a car! 

After he told the policeman, who blew him off like he didn't matter, he'd be back, he walked outside and got into his car and then drove that bitch straight up into the lobby crushing the hell out of the guy behind the desk and anything keeping him from going into the police station as he had planned. Now he's walking around shooting anything moving. At this part it looks like things might start to go a little bit bad. And every now and then we get to see people dying through Terminator vision. I already told you how cool Terminator vision is. Or did I? Well, it's pretty fuckin' cool.

Mowing down one police officer after the other, Arnold walks through the police station with ease. Reese and Sarah hear the gunfire and commotion and even while being in separate rooms at the time, they both know Arnold is killing motherfuckers like it's in style and their ass is on the list. That's right when Kyle takes it upon himself to rush the oblivious guard cop who's supposed to be watching him and take him down with ease. Reese frees himself from his cuffs and goes to find Sarah so they can get the fuck out of, what was up until five minutes ago, the police station.

They bail the fuck out of there (no pun intended). Before we completely leave the police station I want to point out two officers portrayed by two kickass actors. As I said, the characters and meaningful and memorable in this movie. Playing Lt. Ed Traxler is the late Paul Winfield and Lance Henriksen as Hal Vukovich. Both of these guys look like believable longtime police partners. They've heard it all, they've seen it all. That is, except for what's to come. These two guys are there for each other through thick and thin. And that makes watching them deal with The Terminator a lot harder since there is an element of brotherly love between these two guy. No spoilers here.

Sarah and Reese do as much running that the car they stole will allow them to do. This is when it is decided that the best thing to do is find a hotel. Although we never here them assert that, it is what they end up doing. And we all know what goes down in the hotels men and women check into together. Oh yeah! 

Reese opens up to Sarah about how he volunteered to be sent back to save Sarah and was given a picture of her by John and that upon seeing that picture instantly fell in love with her at that moment. After his heartfelt confession Sarah sees no reason not to take off her panties for this man. But it isn't like they will have much time to kick back and rest. After all, there is a deranged cyborg stalking the streets looking for them. And what Reese doesn't know is that while he briefly stepped out for supplies (bombs and shit) Sarah was on the phone with her "mother" telling her where she was. That is the very reason their hotel room door is kicked in early in the AM by a buff lunatic looking robo man. Alerted by the dog in front of the hotel Sarah and Reese are barley able to escape being mowed down.

Jumping into the truck of one of the hotel customers as he is pulling into the lot, Sarah and Reese gun it toward safety. But not so safe as The Terminator is right behind them on a motorcycle taking shots at the truck they're in. Reese is tossing bombs at The Terminator when he ends up greeting shot. Since Sarah is behind the wheel she takes the initiative of slamming it in The Terminator's motorcycle as it pulls alongside the truck. Unfortunately she flips the truck in the process. Thankfully a semi comes along and smashes the shit out of The Terminator. Or, at least, that's what it looked like.

The truck driver jumps out and runs behind the truck to make sure he didn't kill anyone. This is when suddenly from Sarah's eye view, The Terminator bitch slaps the truck driver and hops into the driver seat. There's a partner trucker in the passenger seat. The Terminator just looks at him and says "Get out." There is no debate. Now, Reese is shot, Sarah is struggling, and The Terminator has a fully functional 18-wheeler.

Sarah uses every ounce of strength to get Reese up and moving. As soon as he is revived just a little she and he are up and running Indiana Jones and Mariam when the plane was gonna explode.

Now, this truck is on their heels. Reese stumbles and falls and tells Sarah to keep running. "Run!" Sarah is barely managing to dodge and out maneuver this truck barreling down on her. Then and there, Reese lights one of his homemade bombs, tosses it onto the back of the truck and jumps into a nearby dumpster. The truck then goes up in a massive explosion leaving nothing but piles of scrap metal lying around everywhere.

"You're Terminated, Fucker."

It's finally over. After everything Sarah and Reese have gone through they certainly deserve a rest. They work their way back to one another and collapse to their knees while embracing. But what happened next fucked up the entire mood.

This is the bullshit that comes crawling out of that mess. A completely skinless, hairless, fleshless robot. The actual Terminator now void any human decoration. Only the humanoid skeleton of a machine designed to stop at nothing until it has completed its mission. This one's mission: Kill Sarah Connor. Thankfully, at least they managed to mess up The Terminator's leg. So... I don't know. It's really not nearly enough.

Sarah and Reese run into a nearby factory. It looked like it might have been fuckin' Skynet. There were all kinds of assembly machines and steel compactors that it could actually be the place they needed to blow up.

As they run through the factory Reese starts to turn on all the machines to throw off The Terminator off of their trail. It works for a moment but before they know it they are face-to-face with their fate. There isn't much a man can do against a machine but Reese was definitely willing to take his chances in order to save Sarah. You have to admire the conviction of this man as well as the machine he has sworn to protect Sarah from. They are both all about fulfilling their mission. In fact, I'm starting to think this movie (or the entire series) should've been called "Kyle Reese."

Kyle tells Sarah to run and though she hesitates, he doesn't hesitate to light the fuse on his homemade  dynamite stick. When Sarah saw that she got the fuck outta dodge. Reese attempts to roll out of the way of the blast radius but it was not enough. When the bomb went off The Terminator went to pieces and Reese caught a bit of shrapnel that happen to be fatal. Sarah also caught a piece of shrapnel in her leg, but she's still alive. At least The Terminator is done for. It's finally over.

Sarah crawls over to Reese and sees that he is dead. Sarah is torn by this. As she's looking at him lying out, lifeless, a fucking metal hand reaches out for Sarah! What the fuck!!? Again!!? Somebody, please, kill this fuckin' thing!

Sarah, obviously terrified for her life starts crawling and dragging herself away from The Terminator as fast as she can. The Terminator is doing the same thing, for now it is no more than a torso, a head and a right arm. And it is doing everything it can to make sure it kills Sarah Connor.

Sarah crawls her way through this factory through all types of machinery and starts to crawl through a steel compactor. The Terminator is on her heels, literally. With every reach and slide as it drags itself across the floor of the steel compactor it is only inches from Sarah's foot. Sarah is using all her strength to get to the other side of this compactor and she finally does and she turns around and slams the gate close trapping The Terminator inside. The Terminator reaches its hand through the bars grabbing at Sarah. Sarah recalls accidentally operating this machine when she first came into the factory because she bumped into the button. The same button that is right beside her. She reaches her hand over to reach the button on her left side trying not to let The Terminator grab her. As soon as she feels her hand on the button she looks right at The Terminator and delivers one of the coolest lines in the movie. "You're terminated, fucker." 

No Fate

She kicked ass with that line and the steel compactor did the rest. Flatten The Terminator's fuckin' ass. But as flat as it was and even after watch the life light burnout, I still think it wasn't flat enough. Have seem this thing get back up one too many times. No disassemble Johnny 5 but please disassemble the fuckin' Terminator. This thing has been running a rampage all over downtown LA for about 2 days! The fact that there's more than one of these movies would indicate that they didn't disassemble The Terminator. Apparently, they reassembled it. Fuckin' dummies.

Anyway-- skipping ahead maybe a month or so we get to see Sarah. She's pregnant now. That's right. Kyle Reese is John Connor's father. What! PAUSE... !! The guy from the future is the baby-daddy of the guy from the future who sent the other guy back through time in the first place!!? What the fuck does all that mean? How is this possible? Somehow, probably out of the love of such an entertaining movie we can simply roll over and accept that bullshit.  If he had to get sent back I. Time in the first place in order to make the motherfucker, how is the John already alive and in charge and able to send his dad back in the first place? This goes on and on in The Terminator. 

Now, our once bubbly, playful Sarah Connor doesn't see too much of a future for her or her son and she seems to lose all hope for, really, anything. I thought this was very heavy just to show how Sarah went all the way from being what seem liked this average sweet soft girl and then completely changing and shutting herself off from the world. It is understandable when you see first hand what that machine put her, and every she loved, through. A distraught Sarah rides off into gloomy horizon. At the time the movie first came out no one knew it was the set up for one of the biggest and one of the best follow up stories... ever.

I hope you've all enjoyed my Terminator rundown. Today is my birthday and I have been receiving a lot of love all day long. So, I hope by sharing this with all of you I can send a bit of all this love back your way. Thank you very much for reading my madness. Be good.

-Didodi

Calling The Ghostbusters

Calling The Ghostbusters

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog that I forgot to save and when I went to search for something elsewhere online I lost what I had written. I was so upset that I didn't even want think blog again. I had been working on my Egon tribute dedicated to the late Harold Ramis. As most of you are aware Harold Ramis passed away February 24, 2014 after suffering complications of an infection known as autoimmune inflammatory vasculitus. This was a very tragic loss to both the comedy world and the Ghostbuster world and it leaves most of to ask what will happen to the future of The Ghostbusters?

Some years back I had heard that one of the many script ideas for the new Ghostbusters movie revolved around the "pass the torch" idea to a younger new generation of Ghostbusters. Back then I saw the name Seth Rogen (This Is The End, Pineapple Express) and Eliza Dushku (True Lies, Wrong Turn, Bring It On) on the cast list. Two actors I really enjoy watching. We don't see enough of Eliza. I think she'd be a great Ghostbuster. It would be awesome to see a woman with a proton pack and I believe Eliza is the perfect fit to play that kind of woman. She's is very sexy which will add something new to the group. She is also quite brazen and to be a Ghostbuster you definitely have to have back bone.

Where are The Ghostbusters?

Now, I, like many other people, have been calling for The Ghostbusters for many years now and where the fuck are they? It hurts to have lost Harold Ramis before they could make another movie and I intend to fully address that situation in another posting. And I know I am being selfish by behaving as if getting another movie is more important than a person's life, because it is no way close; and by behaving as if the first two movies aren't more than enough, but it just hurts to watch them toss the idea around in front of us for so long and never be able to complete an actual final project together. There are different rumors as to why the film was never made but since I wasn't there I cannot say what really happened.

I know that recently there was some sort of press release stating that an actual Ghostbusters 3 movie is currently in the works. Ivan Reitman will be returning to assist with the film, however, as a producer and not as the director. Reitman spoke on the loss of Harold Ramis being a tremendous contributing factor to why he will choose to stand down as director while still lending a hand to the project from a producer's distance... in a nutshell.

Overall, the studios plan to go forward with a third Ghostbusters film as sort of a "reboot" or "passing of the torch." That is all fine and dandy but who exactly are we talking about passing the torch to? As I stated earlier Seth Rogen and Eliza Dushku were named as cast members for the next movie. But, because they did that, I now have to imagine Seth Rogen as a potential new age Ghostbuster, therefore, I have to think about who I can see as the other Ghostbusters around him. And I think I came up with a pretty good list. The list should be a no-brainer since "This Is The End" is my favorite movie. But I still had to work some things out.

Now, of course, in "This Is The End" everyone was playing themselves. In a Ghostbusters movie each person will be playing a particular character. So, let's take a quick glance at who I can see playing The New Ghostbusters.

Putting Together the New Ghostbusters

                                         "WoW, guys... That could totally be us."

Huh??? Huh??? What's that? Oh, you like that, huh? Yeah.

You know what the funny thing is? No matter how you viewed these guys before, you're never look at them the same after you see them as the Ghostbusters. I mean, let's face it, The Ghostbusters get all the hoes. Everybody and their baby momma wanna be a Ghostbuster.

But the fun doesn't stop at that picture because there a few other motherfuckers we need to account for. This was the cool part of my mission while trying to use Hollywood's finest to construct my version of a 2015 and beyond Ghostbusters movie. The shit needs to be funny. These guys are funny and the people I'm about to mention are just as funny. So, let's take a look at some of the other Ghostbuster personalities.

We've already discussed Eliza and we know she is the new blood, so, I cannot say much about her character. But, as far as the characters I do know I would like to see what we could make of them and I will also further explain my take on the pictures above.

First off, we have the only fuckin' guy who's a Ghostbuster but we never fuckin' see...

Winston Zeddemore. Where the fuck does Winston be at half the time? Does he have a family? Remember Ghostbusters 2? Where was Winston when they went to go check the slime? Then, the Ghostbusters go to trial for fucking up the street and Winston didn't even go to the courthouse to check on his boys; or to help catch the ghost that popped up out of the slime. Is he even on the payroll or does he get paid under the table? We know he didn't have to sign anything when he got hired they just said "You're hired. Welcome aboard." 

Anyway, who better to play Winston other than my main man Craig Roninson?

             "Since I've been with these guys I have seen shit that'll turn you white!"

That would be absolutely gnarly!! Tell me you couldn't see this being so. This is the most logical choice. If we are talking about making a new Ghostbusters movie that is going to be funny. Craig Roninson is the funniest black man making movies right now.

This is when it started to get real fun to put together the new Ghostbusters, even if it's just all in my head. Now, to explain the picture up top. When I first looked at it I had different ideas for Egon and Ray. My initial thought was to replace Egon with Seth Rogen and use Michael Sera (Superbad, Youth In Revolt) would make a good Raymond Stanz. My original match up didn't even have Jay Baruchel (This Is The End, Sorcerer's Apprentice) in it. Then I saw the picture that I used up above and was like "How could I have missed this?" It was right there the whole time. That was when I knew Seth Rogen would be Ray, Jay Baruchel would be Egon and James Franco (Spiderman1,2&3, 127 Hours, This Is The End) would be the one and only Peter Venkman. 

Now that I have explained my view of the pictures above let's talk about what happened to Michael Cera. Do you realize that if you try to type his name in while the spellcheck is on it will keep putting up ceramic? Even without doing anything that guy is a pain in the fuckin' dick. But I wanted to find a place for him nonetheless so I found out who he was. But then it looked like it was a toss up between him and his muscular good looking "Superbad" sidekick and that was for the role of the very protective neighbor of Dana Barrett... Louis Tully.

                                   "I DID IT! I DID IT! I'M A GHOSTBUSTER!!"

For me me it was a real toss up on this one because they can both be assholes and they can both be dorks. With one it seems like the obvious choice. Of course I mean with Michael Cera. But, Jonah Hill (22 Jump Street, Funny People, Superbad) is dumbass funny and could shine a new light on a different version of a Louis Tully. Here's the thing, though. It needs to be fatass Jonah Hill. Not 21/22 Jumpship. Jonah knows there's nothing funny about being physically fit otherwise he wouldn't have said it in "Funny People." If he can't do that, fuck it, give it to Michael Cera.

We've come quite a ways but we are certainly not done. Oh no! Let's not forget our hot little red head firecracker, Janine Melnitz!

                                         "WE GOT OOOOOOOONNNNNNE!!!"

Now, for Janine, it was very difficult for me to see someone replaces the wonderful Annie Potts (Ghostbusters 1&2, Who's Harry Crumb). Then I thought, "Well, how about Helena Bonham Carter? Then I said "Naaaaahh!" We are looking for a woman who's a bit younger and while I was writing this it suddenly came to me...

You're damn right! Aubrey Plaza!

You may remember her from "Funny People" "Scott Pilgrim" the currently successful "Parks And Recreation" or possibly from one of her many stand up performances. She is hilarious and she has this delivery style that is unmatched. Sort of nonchalant but still like "Hey, what the fuck?" Ya know? She'd make for an excellent Janine, in my opinion. Plus, they have the same initials (AP) so it makes the most sense.

Anchoring The Ghostbusters

There seems to be, in this entire wacky cast of characters, one person who seems to live in the world we come from. This person is the center of both Ghostbuster movies. They are the victim that keeps finding themself in horrific situations and needing to call upon our four heroes. That person is none other than Dana Barrett played by the incredible Sigourney Weaver (Ghostbusters1&2, Aliens1-4, Copycat, Paul). 

Sigourney plays very strong character roles and any woman looking to put herself in Dana Barrett's shoes is asking for an adventure for two lifetimes. And to be quite honest I am having trouble coming up with someone to replace her with. It has to be some one who can maintain their seriousness without looking like a jerk while dealing with jerks who find everything funny. Who, where is this woman? I am at a complete loss for a Dana Barrett replacement. Maybe they can just ask Sigourney to come back. Nah, that wouldn't work... WHO!?!

Ahh, well. Every blog post can't be perfect. I put together the whole fucking movie pretty much. All Hollyhole has to do is find a cool woman to play Dana.

But, before I wrap this up, there is another character from the Ghostbusters cast that I would like to see again. Besides the ghost being a problem, of course, there needs to be a direct human element of adversity. I'm sure you guys remember this dude right...

                        "May I please... See the storage facility, Dr.Venkman?"

       

Yeah. Good ol' Walter Peck. What a hole that guy was. This is a very easy replacement.

That's right! A hole for a hole. Danny McBride (Pineapple Express, This Is The End, Eastbound&Down) is the perfect hole for the part. I love this fuckin' guy. Everything he does is a straight win. He is completely unabashed and simply doesn't give a fuck and that always makes him a true treat to watch. He never seems to ask for much but what he gets he absolutely deserves. The man really is Kenny Fuckin' Powers.

Hope For The Ghostbusters

I hope you all appreciate my extrapolation of what I think a new Ghostbusters should look like. Even if you don't agree with all of it I am sure there is something here that made you look and say "Hmm... That might work." I have no idea what Hollywood is planning to do other than what I said up top. Keep your eyes open and ears to the grapevine for more new articles and updates to the movie. I have my fingers crossed that they come to a final decision before it gets too late. With the loss of Harold (Egon) Ramis I am sure many will say that it is already too late, but I have faith and I want to let it b known that there is plenty of hope for the Ghostbusters. Maybe someone that matters, or someone who knows someone that matters will read this blog and get it into the right hands.

God bless Harold Ramis as well as all of the other Ghostbusters. And just to make sure this thing is complete and I didn't leave you hanging, here is my replacement for Dana.

                                                "Are you the key master?" Hell yes I am!

Yes, bitches! The original Hitgirl -- Matilda. The always superfine Natalie Portman (The Professional, Heat, Garden State, Star Wars ep. 1,2&3). She can do anything! How about that for the perfect Dana? You know you love it.

Till next time, folks!

-Didodi

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